After walking out of my last relationship, there was a moment when I realized that the phrase "male gaze" was not merely just a directorial decision or media trope targeted specifically at models, celebrities, and actors, but rather it was eyes upon me. As the public had withdrawn into isolation and I was left alone with my family, there was nothing (by definition) to distract me from the way I was behaving in the silence of lockdown and those listless, quiet days. Nevertheless, I had the sensation of constantly being seen and evaluated by an unidentified force, which made me keenly conscious of how I came across, whether it was by how I moved, spoke, dressed, or looked.
It wasn't usual to act as though I was being watched and to be constantly reminded to present myself as appealing in case someone was looking. I understood that the male gaze was a more social phenomenon. Still, perhaps the male gaze wasn't about being observed by men but being educated to behave as though you are, to the point of covering up for protection or projecting male attitudes even when you are entirely alone. Ultimately, the male gaze is about the impacts on self-identification and self-construction of gender, especially among female users. Even now, I find it difficult to separate myself from this viewpoint since I have somehow internalized this ideology into my day-to-day behaviors. The question comes: how did I come to absorb this?
That was when I understood that it is the consistency of the message that social media
platforms try to reinforce through echo chambers or other social media algorithms.
Trafficking anxiety and urging the performance of young ladies to meet the expectations of the male gaze, or perhaps now recognized as the "digital gaze," social media platforms are consistently creating illusions that media users secure opportunities and superficial confidence with compliance.
Nonetheless, it would be arbitrary to say that the disconnection of social media breaks
individuals free from the male gaze, and it would be naive to say simply, "try not to think about pleasing the expectations and simply embrace yourself." Re-learning and fixing your perspective and unconscious reliance on the male gaze is difficult.
But perhaps, as you near the end of this article, take this as an opportunity to start by
recognizing the existence of the male gaze, whether on social media platforms or in films and reflect on why. To let the recognization of the presence of the male gaze sink into you, to overturn stereotypes, and change the way you view and think about others.
Take note when you see a clothing item that makes you think, "wow, I really like this," and then again when you begin to think, "but if guys….", or when you pause at a photo posted on social media platforms that makes you reflect on your looks.
Then consciously disregard the second thought.
You can not eliminate other people judging you for how you look. All you can do is try to go with your gut on what you enjoy.
Start by consciously changing how you plan for today's look, changing the rationale behind your behaviors and decisions, and changing your level of self-love and self-appreciation. Like how the lines read in the Netflix Series, Euphoria, "You need to smash all the beauty standards. You have to love yourself, and find your inner warrior."